Better outlook -- even while pain sticks around, & gets worse

Comment

Comment by Nicole Hemmenway on May 19, 2011 at 5:59pm

Hallie,

I completely understand where you are coming from and why you would feel the way you do. I do not consider myself religious, but I am spiritual. I really found comfort in looking outside the box...looking at energy (or chi) and how it affects us. I was very interested in chakras and crystals, and through this exploration, I found spirituality. For me, it was more about some type of Higher Power. Now do not get me wrong, I do not understand why there is such grief and heartache in this world; nor do I understand why your family had to endure such tragedy. What I do believe is there is a power of love in this universe ... and through love, anything is possible ... even healing.

 

I am sending love and healing wishes,

Nicole

 

I will look for some info on pressure changes and pain for you too!

 

I am so glad today has been better; it has for me as well, and today is the first day it is sunny again too!

Comment by Stacie Cavallaro on May 19, 2011 at 2:42pm

Hallie,

I can certainly understand your feelings about religion, as you have suffered so much for so long. Have you ever tried meditation? A couple of months ago I did some research and actually tried this practice. Of course, I was somewhat skeptical but I tried to keep an open mind through the sessions. I can honestly say that meditation has been a major plus in my life. I downloaded an audible book and followed the instructions. I now meditate 2 times each day - once in the mornng and again in the afternoon. The sessions are about 1/2 hour long and once finished, I feel so relaxed and rejuvinated. My pain level goes down and mentally, I feel ready for anything. As we all know, stress adds to our pain levels and you certainly have far too much stress in your life. Perhaps meditation will help you, as well.

I have also researched affirmations and have located several which I repeat regularly. These, too, help to calm my body and let it rest.

It wasn't all that long ago when I questioned and doubted everything. I felt so isolated from the world. Fortunately I came across HoH on the internet and with the help of Nicole's writings, plus the meditation, affirmations and new-found friendships, I am now much more comfortable with my new life. I don't hate myself and my disabilities any longer. I have come to the point where I accept my situation. Of course, I go through periods of ups and downs. But all in all, I am okay with myself.

Please keep in touch and let me know if you decide to try the meditation. If you think about it, it certainly cannot hurt to try. You may be pleasantly surprised as I was.

Stacie

Comment by Hallie Winchell on May 19, 2011 at 1:44pm

Thanks Nicole & Stacie, your thoughtful and compassionate notes really truly help.  

Today I woke up feeling better & for the first time I thought perhaps the weather was causing some measure of the problems I had for the past 4 days.  Today is sunny, bright outside & beautiful, trying to warm up to 65 even.  So maybe the weather does effect me, I used to live on the coast but when I was there my body didn't seem to be as reactive to the weather changes as fog, rain, overcast skies, were the norm.  Maybe the move to a drier (usually), and more severe weather climate has altered my pain in some way... I don't think its making a massive impact but maybe a smaller impact that only exacerbates the effects of my pain.  Is there somewhere online that explains why pressure changes or weather changes can cause neuropathic or CRPS patients to experience increased pain?  I had never read anything about this, so I'm not sure what to think about it.  I read of course how it effected your pain Nicole, in your book, but I am not sure if this is something that would effect my pain the same or in a similar way.

I will chat with Catherine about it, I called her yesterday at 4:30 but she hasn't called yet.  Perhaps I will try her again by 2 if I haven't heard from her.  I was almost ready to go to the walk-in urgent care clinic yesterday the pain had escalated to such an extent by the 4th day I was completely at a loss.  I have no medications for breakthrough pain & I am in dire straits some days but without any way to address the increased & horrible breakthrough pain. =(

Thank you both for your thoughts & good wishes.  I am thinking more and more about the higher power, if there is one, and how I can either let him or her into my life for the first time since I was a child, or if there is another way to relinquish my exhaustive search for some way to control my condition so I can find more peace in my day to day life.  Nicole, your faith in your book was so inspiring, but I have always been agnostic, at least since my parents died when I was young.  I always felt a truly compassionate force in the world would not take my parents from me, my older siblings & their children (my parent's grandchildren), and surely not from my younger 10-year-old sister.  My family suffered so much tragedy and so many deaths in the past 40 years, it has been very hard to let myself believe in a god who has a "plan" for me, because so far the plan included so much loss, grief & pain I can only reject it. 

I am back to my school studies today, and hopefully I will get Catherine on the phone with some questions I have regarding my medications.  I am so glad to feel a bit better now with my pain reduced somewhat from yesterday & the days before.  Its not an easy day, but it is a better day and I am hopeful it will get better tomorrow -- and the next day.  Plus Saturday is my travel day, so here's hoping I am able to do well until the end of the day so I can get through it.  My only fear is that the travel will again aggravate my condition until the end of next week.  But at least next Thursday night my BF & I will be going to my old hometown for 4 days, for memorial day weekend, and although it includes travel I am trying not to panic that I will end up in a horrible spiral from the pain cycle.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!

I am often unnerved by panic every day, it lies underneath my other thoughts, and keeps me in a semi-agitated place that causes me to feel more exhausted, because all of my energy goes into fighting the pain, plus fighting the panic & reminding myself to be calm.  A lot of the time it works, but not every day, especially days with bad pain.  

But the support I receive here is so amazing & I am very appreciative of all that you offer me.  

Thank you for being here too.

- Hallie

 

Comment by Stacie Cavallaro on May 19, 2011 at 12:09pm

Hi Hallie,

I have to tell you that I am exhausted just reading all that is on your plate! LOL! Between school, traveling to your doctor, etc ..... it is no wonder you are suffering so much. The weather here in Connecticut has been terrible ... heavy rain all week long. It has really been effecting my pain level, as well. I have been spending a great deal of time laying down with my heating pad - just trying to get some relief.  I am so glad that Catherine recognizes your pain. And it is amazing that she actually took the time to review your records prior to the appointment ... many doctors do not.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

Stacie

Comment by Nicole Hemmenway on May 18, 2011 at 5:43pm

I know the weather changes always affect me, especially when the temperatures drastically shifts within twenty-four hours.

 

I hope you can rest, and just know that we are all sending strength and healing thoughts to you. You have so much going on that I know the fear of not being able to accomplish everything...just know you will make it through.

 

Hugs

Nicole

Comment by Hallie Winchell on May 18, 2011 at 5:21pm

Hi Nicole!

I was wondering how you are since I hadn't seen my blog post approved until this afternoon.  I was worried you had been struggling a bit, and I am glad to see you back online again.

I am not doing well today.  Its the 4th day in a row of hot-pressure & sharp-aching joint pain plus the aggravated nerve pain situation from the driving, which hasn't gone down much since my trips last week.  I have a lot of worries about if my medication situation is not working any longer, and I am concerned that even if I do speak to the doctor it isn't like they will be able to change anything or do much because they are 2 hours away from me.  So I would need to drive up there to do anything anyway, as no one can fax or mail prescriptions for pain management medication in oregon.  Its an awful catch-22.

However, I was given a lot of samples of Cymbalta, which I have heard from a variety of different sources that the SSRI is actually very good for back/nerve pain.  I am supposed to try it here soon and then chat with Catherine again, so that could be a good option to at least try & resolve some of the wild variations in my pain.  I called & left her a message as I am at the end of my rope today -- I don't know if its necessarily that the pain is worse today than yesterday, but the cumulative strain mentally, emotionally, physically, etc., is so much that the more days that go by where I am almost incapacitated by the pain, the more panicked I get.  I got frustrated again around noon and went on a cleaning spree, organizing things, throwing away stuff or recycling newspapers, etc.  I pulled out baskets to help me keep my stuff in order near my recliner, pulled the sheets off the bed, washed those, etc.  Its been a busy afternoon because I had to blow off steam, but then I of course wore myself out & it didn't really help my pain in any way.  I feel like the space is a bit tidier, but that's about it.

 

I'm gonna try to nap & see if more rest can make me feel a bit better.  What upsets me the most is today is Wednesday... I have classes early Saturday and lots to do between now & then.  I am already behind because I didn't study at all today, and I feel like a complete worthless slob because I couldn't get it together to use my energy & concentration to focus on my studies today.  That leaves 2 days for studying, and it will result in long long study sessions that also stress me out a great deal.  I hate that I am in this situation all od the time and there's not usually something I can about it. 

Thank you for being there Nicole.

As far as weather, I am unsure.  In Klamath Falls Oregon, where I live, the weather is highly variable.  This morning it was 35 degrees outside, and around noon it got up to 65 or more, now its fading down to the low forties as the sun goes down or has been clouded over a bit all day.  Plus, I'm not familiar with barometric pressure as far as Oregon's climate.  We had snow yesterday, and today it was warm in the afternoon, but it is a very changeable time as far as weather so it is possible that the pressure or cloud cover could be generating worse pain that usual, or longer recovery from the aggravation from the driving I had to do last week. 

I'll keep you posted!

Hallie

Comment by Nicole Hemmenway on May 18, 2011 at 4:02pm

Hallie,

How is today for you? I know my body has been acting out of sorts lately, and I feel it is due to the weather. Do you think this could be partly to blame for your increased pain as well?

 

I love how Catherine recognized and validated you! To find someone who understands that while something may not appear on film is not to say that it does not exist is extraordinary.

 

Keep us posted, and know I am sending healing wishes!

Nicole